Caring for Orphans through Foster Care
Written by Jordan Schneider, published May 2021
I’m Jordan Schneider and my husband, Chris, and I have been at The Paradox Church for about four years. Since then we have had three children in our home (one biological son) and a very active dog. We’ve been on a few different serve teams and a part of three City Group multiplications. I am currently a Pastoral Assistant at Paradox and Chris is a mortgage lender.
After a whole year of being on different pages about how we will add children to our family, God gave both of us words of affirmation to become licensed foster parents. We both came home from work one day in fall 2018 and essentially said to each other “God told me we are going to be foster parents!”
Then we started our licensing process immediately after that. I’m sure you can assume there were plenty of bumps in the roads and delays to getting our license, but after about 9 months we received our license and were finally able to open our home. It was just three days after that we had two girls on the way to our house.
It was a whirlwind of emotions. I remember crying and laughing at the same time while signing paperwork; I truly had no idea what was going on or how I felt. Nothing prepared me for the moment of playing with two little girls for the first time while also signing paperwork that said we were their guardians for the time being. This was an answered prayer to have children in our home, just not the way I thought it would look.
I remember the first time we brought them to church, and the response from our friends was overwhelmingly helpful. Of course, they were all aware of the situation (I mean, we obviously didn’t look alike… more on that later) but they treated the girls no different than any other child. Actions such as getting on their level, introducing themselves, and offering a fist-bump or high-five were enough to make our littlest one feel welcome. Our oldest was more skeptical (rightfully so) but it didn’t stop our friends from engaging with her, inviting her to play, and doing their best to let her know she was wanted there.
However, after those initial interactions and the meals dropped off, we know it was probably difficult to be friends with new foster parents. Our entire schedule was turned on its head and our “freedom” had become more limited. We were always talking about CASA this, and Case Worker that, and I’m sure they weren’t able to fully understand what was going on with us without a general knowledge of the foster care system in Texas. There were many times that our friends would get together and we would miss out on the invite. The chances of us being able to go were slim, but we still wanted to feel included and honestly, just remembered. While our life was changing and more focused on the care of these girls, it felt like our friends were moving on without us. On the other hand, when we were invited, sometimes we were faced with challenging behaviors in public which sometimes made our friends uncomfortable (and sometimes even ourselves!). Sometimes we struggled to find a certified babysitter which made it pretty lonely in the beginning months. There were a few occurrences where people genuinely sought us out, or invited our whole family over, and those moments actually helped us believe that we could continue on. How powerful it is to know you have even just one friend in your corner.
Once everyone was able to adjust, we found that we felt most cared for when people asked about us, not just the girls and their newest court update. It just felt like we were kind of “skipped over” so that they could get to the “good stuff” of what the judge said, which we can’t share most of the time anyway.
Our oldest little girl had a difficult time figuring out in her head how she can have a relationship with us (and our friends) while maintaining what she had, and deeply wanted back, with her biological family. So when our friends would ask questions about her mother (like, “what color would your mom have picked?”) it seemed like a small tiny brick would come loose from the protective wall around her. Talking about biological parents in a positive light was a really helpful way for our oldest to feel a bit more comfortable. Getting down on their level (physically kneeling) and doing your best to have a trust-based conversation is the most helpful way we found to engage with them.
As for our story, our two little girls were reunified with their biological parent and by the grace of God we have been able to stay connected with them. Their whole family actually joined us for Thanksgiving in 2019, and we just got invited to a birthday party a few weeks ago. Getting to know their mom and by the power of the Holy Spirit, getting to speak words of life into her has been equally important as caring for her children. What a way to saturate the city of Fort Worth with the glory and grace of Jesus than through an entire family. And maybe getting to have relationships with bio parents isn’t possible, but fighting for them in prayer always is. Get involved. Stand by the parents and don’t be afraid to enter into parenting with them. I promise you, they want you there… they need you there.
Foster care is truly the wildest ride I've been on. You never know how long you will get to be with these children, and sometimes you don’t know where they will go once they leave your house, you don’t know if you will get along with their biological parents, or even meet them... But one thing is for sure, you get at least one day with the child(ren). One day to love them. One day to help them feel safe. One day to meet the needs of the vulnerable in our city. One day to care for an actual orphan. And because of the grace from God you can give it everything you have. Get attached to them. Draw closer to them when they yell at you. Sometimes you are in the pits while caring for them and sometimes it feels like a mountain top when everyone is starting to vibe in the house. Either way, Jesus is near and he is the one who holds all things together, so all we have to do, rather, all we get to do, is love them out of an outpouring of how God has loved us.
Yes, it’s tough to be a foster parent. Yes, it’s tough to be friends with a foster parent. Yes, we need both. One is not more important than the other… foster parents cannot do what they do if they don’t have friends doing it with them.