Dear City Group Family (Part 1)
One of our hope for City Groups this year is to grow in regards to considering families. To that end we asked a mother to write a letter to help. This is the first part of two.Well, it happened. We had kids and everything changed. They changed our schedule, our spending habits, and priorities. Chances are that kids (whether mine or others’) are changing your City Group. Thanks in advance for being flexible and patient with us while we bring these little people alongside us on the journey of gospel, community and mission.First of all, I love it when people love my kids. It’s an instant heart-warmer and will win Dad and me over in a heartbeat. Talk to my kids, play with them, hold them if they are little, and help them put spaghetti on their plate. When you ask about their day and look them in the eye, it affirms that you understand who they are and it settles nerves – both theirs and mine. You might be surprised how one conversation has a long-lasting impact and they might even be looking for you on a Sunday morning.In all confession, I’m wiped out by the time we walk into City Group. It’s been a long day and dinner is quite a bit later than the norm and now I’m going to try really hard to have a grown-up conversation while making sure my kid doesn’t spill water on the furniture or smear ketchup on the walls. I’m already watching for signs of meltdowns around 7pm (our typical bedtime) and worry what tomorrow will look like with the wonky schedule. And that candle burning on the coffee table is about to give me a heart attack – can we move it, please?It honors me well when people are on time, especially if I’ve almost lost my mind by trying to arrive at the designated start time. I could literally do a little dance when we wrap up the meeting at the scheduled time but please don’t be offended if we have to excuse ourselves early. Most of all, it honors mom and dad when kids are expected and a plan is ready for them, too. So here are a couple of suggestions, based on the ages of the kids:
Newborn – 1 year old: Help Mom by offering to hold the baby during the meeting. A bag of toys and board books goes a long way when Dad’s keys get boring. Put a blanket on the floor for the baby to have a designated space in the room. Notice that Mom is pacing with a fussy baby? Offer to help. It’s more often that we want to be engaged in the struggle, not ignored.
Toddlers: Stock up on soft (quiet) toys, books, Duplos or Mega Blocks, and Play-Doh in a prepared storage box that’s ready for quiet play in the corner or next room. A vinyl tablecloth or old bed sheet might create a space for play and it may or may not be necessary for the kids to leave the room. This is the age to start assessing the need for two people* to formally take the kids into another room, if it’s available.
Preschoolers: At this age, kids will probably still be content with Play-Doh, puzzles, books, and quiet toys. Washable (!) crayons with coloring pages or coloring books are awesome. Don’t rule out a movie or short show, as long as you check with me first and it’s not about vampires. ;-)
Elementary & older: By the time the kid is 7 or 8, less will be required and they might be able to hang out with the adults but it’s still nice to have books or games (Memory, card games, etc.) available. Ask them to help with the little kids or cleaning up dinner to give them a sense of responsibility and leadership in a safe environment.
Thanks,Mommy Me Note:* I am so thankful that The Paradox is taking the safety of my children very seriously. The implementation of Ministry Safe is going to protect a lot of people over the next years. There might be people in our City Group that we are just not comfortable watching our kids – just ask us privately and we’ll do our best to be tactful. If this is the case in your City Group, make a schedule that works for you, the hosts, and the parents, without presenting it before the whole group for discussion or input.