Lead Me In The Way Everlasting
Below is a personal psalm written by one of our partners during their time in Redemption Groups.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hated his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” 1 John 4:18-21
Search me O God and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts.See if there are any grievous ways in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.Lord, there are grievous ways in me, for I know what is right and I refuse to do what you have called me to do.Lord, there are grievous ways in me. I can see in your word that “if I forgive others their trespasses, You will also forgive me, but if I do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will you forgive me.”
I know this as truth, but I do not live this out. I have refused forgiveness.
Oh God, forgiveness is hard because there has been wrong done against me. My father the man who chose but was not obligated to raise me abandoned my mother, my siblings, and I in light of a “better” wife, “better” kids, and a “better” life. My father, the one who danced with us, and played with us, and taught us about life chose to move on to another one dividing my family beyond repair.His new wife had replaced my mother long before she had been granted the title and because of this I watched a strong, outgoing and happy woman become a broken emotionless shell who is broken emotionally, developed a doubt of love, and developed an indifference towards You. My mother became my best friend, and I have fought for her approval in everything I do. I do everything I can to please her, trying to make her feel that which my father ripped away from her, trying to make her feel loved.Lord, I have chosen her will for me over your will for me. God, I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You saw my unformed substance and you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. So Lord, why do I worship the mother, when I see the creator, giver and sustainer of my life?
Oh Lord there are grievous ways in me.
Lord, I took my hatred and hurt towards my father and his wife and I buried it down underneath the longing to please my mom and it festered there into something much worse than hatred- indifference. Lord, I intentionally ignored you when you commanded me to forgive and I convinced myself that You understood. Lord, how did I find myself so twisted? Your word says that anyone who hates his brother is a murderer and no murderer has eternal life in You. Your word says that Jesus died on a cross mutilated beyond recognition so that I may follow you freely and so that I may be forgiven. Lord, it was my sin that put Him there. Lord, what has been done to me that I have not done to You? How can I refuse forgiveness when You have forgiven me?
Lord, help me to remember that you are good.Lord, help me to remember that no sacrifice required of me equals that of the precious sacrifice You made through Jesus.Lord, lead me in the way everlasting.
by Alyssa Upchurch