Redemption Groups :: Week Five
This week Redemption Groups focused on our everyday desires. People desire many things that are not sinful, however, our sinful nature corrupts innocent desire and daily need. Essentially, when we become convinced that God is taking too long, not providing enough, or even working in a way that is not what we expect, we respond sinfully. These sinful responses manifest themselves in anger, anxiety, and escape. Pastor Jim broke down each one of these responses in the discussion tonight. Anger takes many forms but creates an attitude of frustration, harshness, entitlement, impatience, or even defensiveness. Anxiety is a shade of fear and makes us hypersensitive, worrisome, overly cautious, or even perfectionistic. Escape is a little bit different than the other two. Escape seduces and tempts us to lose ourselves in something else- sex, drugs, alcohol, fantasies, or just the few things we feel we have control over. In each one of these responses our sinful nature causes us to take a stance before God that says, “You have not met my expectations.” We sit in expectation before God, instead of anticipation of Him coming through. Pastor Jim concluded the evening with, “God has not withheld anything from you,” yet we all sit there playing Eve biting the apple, or the Israelite demanding manna.
We broke into our groups and each member named the response we feel we resolve to when we grumble against God. There was a wide range of answers, and some of us were even broken by that to complete repentance. Some members are still facing suffering daily and are already aware that they are responding sinfully, which upsets them more. I’m actually doing very well. I no longer look back at my past and sit at the foot of the cross. I look forward to the future with joyous anticipation. It’s still a fight though. For so long, I defined myself by my suffering and I was conditioned to believe that grace can be earned. I was blinded by lies and blinded by pain, but now I am blinded by grace. I am brought to tears when I think of the grace that has been extended to me. I was someone who tried to “atone” my sins in response to my suffering. When I realized I couldn’t I resolved to anxiety and shame both before God and man, because I knew it was wrong. I was a girl running all over the place- ahead of God and away from God.
I am brought to tears when I think of the grace that has been extended to me. I was someone who tried to “atone” my sins in response to my suffering.
I now see it is impossible to “atone” my sins, because Christ already did. It was like God put His hands over my hands that were wielding and working and He gently said, “Stop.” The fact that God would even reach out to me and still speak my name despite my restlessness and invite me to rest under His care overwhelms me and I no longer look away in shame. I am now finding myself incredibly emotional and so sensitive to God’s nearness. Every desire I have ever had that is rooted in Christ has intensified and I see my desperate need for Him. My prayers bring me to tears when I see that He still loves me, despite my wandering. I praise Him that He is the same God who loved me before my suffering, during my suffering, and still now. My repentance has not been confined to a moment, but has evolved into a walk. Worshipping and resting in God’s promises is the only thing I have to cling to, and I know it cannot fail me. My hope is in God, and my prayer is that God continues to extend His love out to us, even when we cannot see His plan.
I praise Him that He is the same God who loved me before my suffering, during my suffering, and still now.
For more information on Redemption Groups go here.