Satisfied and Single

I long to be married. I truly desire a godly husband who will lead me and our family well. And often, this desire becomes my ultimate. This idea that once I am married I will be satisfied, complete, fulfilled. And in these times it is impossible for me to view singleness as a gift. Instead it becomes punishment.I easily believe God is withholding marriage from me for fill-in-the blank reason: not spiritually mature enough, not satisfied enough in my relationship with God, I still need to learn some lesson before He will gift me with a husband. Then the “spiritual” lies give way to worldly lies: I’m not attractive enough; I’m too independent; I’m not “girly” enough; I’m too intimidating, and if I “dumb down”, slim down, bat my eyelashes more often, and keep my mouth shut then I’ll be what some guy wants. But whatever lie I believe, the fact remains that I am believing lies over the truth. I am placing my hope in being married and not in Jesus. I am judging my worth in light of my relationship status and not in light of Jesus’ death in my place and the resulting unconditional acceptance by the most high God.  And I’m complaining that where God has me, right now, isn’t good enough.And that is why this quote from a blog by Paige Benton Brown is such a powerful reminder for me. “I am single because God is so abundantly good me, because this is his best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being single. The psalmists confirm that I should not want, I shall not want, because no good thing will God withhold from me.”Too often I forget. Too often I return to my kingdom of one and make demands to be satisfied. God in his grace doesn’t turn me over to the demands of my flesh, but shows me that my satisfaction is found in Him and ONLY in Him.I am satisfied in You.Listen to the sermons in the Sex, Singleness, & Marriage series hereTara is a covenant partner at The Paradox Church, a Redemption Group Leader, and a member of the Fairmount City Group