Seeking change and understanding selfishness

By Nick DeanThey aren't moving cities just City Groups, but to me that's like saying you're moving families. I have had a rough time understanding why it's OK and, in fact, overwhelmingly positive that Derek and Annie Carson are multiplying out of The Commons.My connection to The Paradox has grown along with my connection to The Commons City Group. The first Sunday morning day I stepped into Van Cliburn Hall I met Derek Carson. After the service, we went to lunch and I got to know his wife, Annie. Two days later and I was at Derek's birthday party at T&P Tavern. A few days after that I was serving with the City Group at the Day Resource Center during a cafe night The Commons puts on for the city's homeless once a month.In my first week, I was absolutely floored by the outpouring of grace and the providence of God.I flailed around a bit, too. It took me time to adjust to a City Group that looked different than the group of college kids who met weekly that I had just left after graduating from Baylor. Week in and week out, friendships formed. There were weeks I really didn't want to go to group, only to leave at the end astounded that I ever felt that way. The Holy Spirit's movements are always most dumbfounding in those moments when I am deeply entrenched in my selfish ways.Uprooted from my college life, planted into Fort Worth and I am lucky enough to find a bubbling brook of live-giving water? I never looked back.A year-plus has passed and I can't believe I lived a life without these people. A platter of deep, dark, sad moments and a cup brimming with moments of joy were served to me this year and The Commoners were there to support me.Weeks ago we celebrated Derek's birthday again at T&P Tavern, and this time a year's worth of nostalgia stung as I remembered The Carsons are multiplying out of The Commons and beginning The Paradox's East Fort Worth City Group.I have always seen how incredible this move is and I am eager to see God's work in and through the new group. Deep inside, I was wrestling with selfishness, though."Can't someone else do this?" I secretly asked myself.I already knew the answer: no. I did some soul searching to find out why.Shocker: this change is not about me. I really wish I could get that through my head. I find almost every time I am uncomfortable with a God-given truth that it traces back to my innate selfishness.In fact, the only way I am somehow tangibly related is that the new group will allow The Carsons to find a dozen Nicks. That is, they will be leading people who, just like I was one year ago, are looking to connect, wanting to feel welcomed, seeking guidance and thirsting for life. There really aren't two better people to be heading up a new City Group.Change is inevitable and it's what I should be seeking. I shouldn't be grasping onto the old. I should be leaping toward the new, striving to be a leader and dying each day in service and love.What that looks like as The Carsons move to a new group is that The Commons remains a thriving well for its community and its members. We become a foundation for the East Fort Worth City Group by offering our prayers and encouragement. We stay connected, we fellowship and we celebrate. We revel in the shining moments of grace and glory that will emanate from all City Groups. We don't think our plan is better and we don't hold onto the past. We relish in the fact that we get to be characters in this God-made storyline.Our family is expanding and that is the exact change for which we've been commissioned. To disagree with that is to miss our calling entirely.Nick Dean is a member of The Commons City Group. He blogs at bynickdean.com.