Fear In Community
Written by Kristin Williams, published August 2021
Bio: Kristin has attended the Paradox since July of 2019 and became a partner in January of 2020. She is an active part of the Ridglea Hills City Group. She participated in Redemption Groups and has been involved with the Story Chasers team, Prdx Village, Orphan Care Team, and is currently serving with the Hospitality Team. Kristin is a sixth-grade Literature teacher at Great Hearts Irving.
Fear of Rejection
In June of 2016, one month after I graduated college, my mother unexpectedly passed away. A few weeks later, I moved to a new city for my first job and started my adult life. I visited a few local churches, seeking solace from grief and loneliness. During a young adult service, we split into smaller groups for discussion. I opened my soul to this group, but the only response was a few open mouths. The leader of this gathering reached out to me shortly after. During our lunch, I, again, shared my suffering. I knew my tone pleaded for help, but I didn’t care. I needed help.
With a history of complex trauma and a deep-seated desire to see generational sin end, I expressed how I couldn’t see God’s goodness or love through the lens of my experience. Why didn’t He intervene? How could He not save her?
John 3:16, among other verses, were darted in my direction. In the name of defending the Father, I was not tolerated. I walked away from her, and I almost walked away from the Church altogether. A story for another time, but the Lord kept me. Although I did not leave the faith, I did lose faith in the safety of the people of God. I practiced my faith primarily in isolation - until recently.
I began attending Paradox in July of 2019 and began the partnership class the following January. The morning before the final session of the class, I spent time with the Lord in confession. My desire for family and connection had sorely grown in the wake of a recent broken engagement. Alone in a new city again, I leaned into the Father and asked for His provision.
The last meeting of the partnership class typically covers the church’s ministries. Heather Thompson, Director of Family Ministries at the time, walked on stage and said, “I am supposed to talk about various service opportunities at the church, but I think the Spirit is leading me to talk about how the Church is your family.”
I could talk about my partner interview, my service on Paradox ministry teams, and my experience in Redemption Groups as examples of how the church surrounded me with support in my healing, but my City Group is where I found Heather’s statement to prove perennially true.
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
I attended the church for almost six months without speaking to anyone before I took a step toward involvement, and I approached my City Group with timidity. I opened up one step at a time, afraid to be known fully but eager for intimacy. At times, I was only met with awkward silence. The members did not always follow up with me. I considered leaving my group, but the Lord taught me to wait and look to Him.
I could have held up their mistakes as community and my past experiences to justify my withdrawal. To be honest, I began to do so, but the Lord comforted me with Psalm 139. I found a unique connection and intimacy with the Lord in verse 16: “Your eyes saw my unformed substance.” In other translations, it reads, “Your eyes saw me when I was formless” or “Your eyes saw my unformed body.”
The Father satisfied me and gently shifted my posture. Instead of hoping in the attentiveness and acceptance of my community and responding resentfully when they didn’t respond the way I hoped, I learned to trust that the Lord sees me, body and soul, and His hand holds and leads me.
Perfect Love Casts Out Fear
Because God’s perfect love, that is, His full and infinite love, casts out fear (1 John 4:18), I can securely and confidently step out in obedience and humility as I confess my sin and suffering with my siblings in Christ (James 5:16). When others don’t know what to say or respond poorly, I can offer grace (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13) and continue to exemplify honesty and vulnerability. I can also do this patiently, actively playing a part in cultivating the depth I desire from my community.
Two thoughts play over in my mind and inform the way I interact with my community now.
First, Pastor Jim has frequently stated, “Corporate revival begins with personal revival.” Second, Village Church Lead Pastor Matt Chandler, in his sermon series on Exodus, repeated, “A godly life is filled with small, daily acts of faithfulness over a long period of time.”
Revival in the church, from my perspective, would look like everyone, every week confessing sin and suffering without fear, rejoicing together in repentance and forgiveness, and praising the Lord for specific acts of healing and freedom. On the ground, then, with the words of Jim and Matt echoing, I ask myself.
What does my time with the Lord look like? Am I relying on the Lord or my community to satisfy me?
Am I faithfully attending City Group each week or withdrawing? Am I entering prepared to joyfully confess and repent or hiding in fear and shame?
Am I responding well to others when they share? Do I remind my brothers and sisters that they are known and loved? Am I invested fully, patiently and actively creating a culture of depth?
After almost two years with my City Group, the Lord has redeemed my experience with community. Whether I am confessing my struggle to believe in God’s love, seeking help in conflict, asking for prayer, or needing to spend an evening around a family, I trust my group members to remind me of the truth, work toward unity, faithfully intercede for me, and invite me into their homes. Our City Group is far from perfect, but we function overall as one body (1 Corinthians 12:12-27).
Practical Steps
Practically, depth and intimacy in my City Group begins with my personal time with the Lord. It then extends to how well I am leading out in practicing honest confession, forgiveness, and prayer with my group. Personally, I am learning how powerful specificity can be. In her book, Sacred Rhythms, Ruth Haley Barton explains the relationship between the disciplines and community:
Our commitment to community and spiritual friendship within that community is in itself a spiritual discipline that is of great significance to the spiritual life. Together we reverence the ways God is meeting us in the context of the spiritual practices that help us to seek him. The spiritual disciplines form the basis for your interactions with others in community, and your life in community becomes a safe place to practice the patterns and behaviors that bring about substantive change (16).
Whether you are held captive by fear, discouraged by rejection, or feeling defeated by a lack of depth in your group, I would invite you to confess and pray with your City Group and with the TPC Prayer Team after Sunday services. Allow the Church, the family of God, to remind you of your identity as a son or daughter and lead you into greater intimacy with the Father.
As we take steps toward a culture of vulnerability and support, the underpinning of every effort must remain active patience. Rather than searching for depth and expecting to find what we are looking for from others, we approach our community satisfied and motivated by the gospel. As believers, we have already found what our soul was made for. Settled in Him, our work is marked by patience rather than hurry or unhealthy urgency. We are called to be long-suffering, faithfully and consistently discipling as much as we are being discipled into the image of Jesus (Galatians 6:9).
Resources
If you are not involved in a City Group, I invite you to join.
Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton
Gospel Community Sermon taught by Jake Ledet