Jesus' Church: Brent and Rachel Mowery

The Mowerys are a part of the Alamo Heights City Group. They serve as mentoring couples for premarital counseling, Redemption leaders, and attend the 11am gathering on Sundays. Brent also serves as a deacon on the finance team.Brent: I am a Fort Worth native, growing up just northwest of the city. Rachel was born in Tampa, Florida and was raised near the Kennedy Space Center on the Atlantic Coast. Our church backgrounds were very similar. As kids, we attended “fundamental” churches in which preachers preached (read: screamed) against sin with the hope that God would convict people and they would be “saved”. By a young age, we knew what we were AGAINST but really didn’t know what we were FOR. The gospel (little g) was for salvation, but after you started following Jesus, it was your duty to “clean up” your life and represent God. Not much was mentioned about the Holy Spirit and His power to overcome sin.Hearing angry men preach against sin and growing up with a dad who was bipolar and emotionally and physically violent, I developed a warped, distorted view of God. My view of Him mirrored my perception of those pastors and my dad. I felt like God accepted me as long as I performed well but that He was generally disappointed with me and my weak attempts to please Him. He was just “tolerating” me. I knew I was in the family but I didn’t see or experience the magnitude and ocean of God’s grace and love for me, always feeling like I was on the fringe.

"[God] was just 'tolerating' me."

This view of God dictated how I lived my life. I learned how to project a good image of myself and be accepted for that, but the real me, the guy who was fearful, hiding and wounded, stayed underground. The anger I didn’t know how to deal with and the frustration over my shear inability to please others caused despair. And since domestic violence wasn’t talked about either, I lived in quiet pain.Rachel:Most of my life has been lived in the bondage of what people think of me. If I received a favorable response, I was thrilled. If I felt even the slightest twinge of rejection, I wanted to run. I added any negative responses to my collection of "self-loathing or hatred". It began when I was a young girl, believing I could never live up to my parents’ demands and expectations. I felt responsible for their happiness and carried this bondage into my adult life.Brent:Rachel and I met in 1982 and married in 1985. We had our first son, Aaron, in 1986. Like most young families, we wrestled with unemployment, job changes and a screaming baby! We were attending church, but were not in true, biblical community. Because I had developed a pattern of hiding my whole life, I didn’t know how to communicate with Rachel on a heart level and love her as Christ loves the church. As our relationship progressed, I know that I disappointed her with my lack of leadership and direction for the family God had blessed us with. This caused more hiding and more pain. We lived in the same house and I wanted to love her but really didn’t know how. I didn’t understand how much God loved me, so my love for Rachel was weak, selfish and imperfect.Rachel:In marriage, I quickly transferred my need for approval from my parents to Brent. This put a great weight on our relationship. I needed him to always see the good I was doing and respond favorably. I constantly looked at my life through a filter of failure and responded in withdrawal. Always measuring myself against those around me, I truly believed I was a freak of nature that no one but God could understand or love.Brent’s sin and my children’s sin was somehow my responsibility; I had failed to provide the perfect home to meet their needs. My heart was a revolving door of self.

"I truly believed I was a freak of nature that no one but God could understand or love."

Brent:Because of God’s pursuit of our hearts, He gave us three more children after Aaron. The busyness and financial pressure of raising four children increased. I completely invested in work and Rachel completely invested in home. We lived separate lives at the same address. From the outside, we looked like a model Christian family. On the inside, we were angry, disillusioned and lonely.Because I felt like my life was “out of control” I tried desperately to control what I felt I could. I was grasping for acceptance and favor from others and God. I tried to find comfort in pornography, yet my soul starved. If not for the grace of God and sometimes a sheer commitment to staying married, I am certain that our marriage would have dissolved.

"From the outside, we looked like a model Christian family. On the inside, we were angry, disillusioned and lonely."

Before coming to The Paradox Church, we attended a “big-box” church and loved our pastor, but we were longing to be known and know others deeply. Our second son, Micah, lived in Oklahoma City and had some of the same discontentment. He left his traditional, big-box church and became family with Love and Justice Church, a sister Acts 29 church. Micah developed a love for the Gospel (big G) and was excited about it. He suggested that we visit a church like his. So we Googled “A29 churches in Ft. Worth” and drove from Springtown to The Rooted Church. When we arrived, their service was over, so we drove to The Paradox Church and came into the Van Cliburn.Our experience was like that of a man dying of thirst and finding cool water. We were overwhelmed with the intensity of worship to God. I don’t remember the specific topic of Jim’s sermon, but it contained the Gospel (big G). From that moment forward, God, in His rich mercy and love, has been changing our hearts.We are starting to understand His grace and how, in all of the suffering, pain, loneliness, discontentment and hiding, Jesus was working to break us of our pride and independence and to draw us to His side.

"From that moment forward, God, in His rich mercy and love, has been changing our hearts."

Rachel:God provided Redemption Groups as a special place for me to be heard, cared for and pointed to Jesus, my Savior and Redeemer. The Gospel became more to me than an Easter sermon; it’s the power that defeats my sin and sets me free! Our marriage is becoming a safe place where we share our failures instead of withdrawing and rejecting each other. Jesus is our hope! It’s truly a miracle when I experience grace in the midst of a disagreement rather than rejection. Zephaniah 3:17 “ The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing.”

"The Gospel became more to me than an Easter sermon; it’s the power that defeats my sin and sets me free!"

Since completing the Redemption Group, I’ve prayed for opportunities to reconcile my relationship with my parents, walking as a beloved daughter of God in the freedom Jesus gives me rather than walking in the condemnation I perceived from them. Prayerfully we have made several attempts to share my story with my parents but have never had a great response. In that I’m learning there is joy in obedience and rest in the work of the Holy Spirit.

"In that I’m learning there is joy in obedience and rest in the work of the Holy Spirit."

I’ve repented for the weight I’ve placed on them to provide me with acceptance and approval. A few months ago, I got a call in which one of my parents began to confess that they had laid their anger and unhappiness on me when I was a child. As they shared I couldn’t believe I was hearing what my heart had desired for so long. But in that moment the Holy Spirit said to me, “You are my beloved child; you don’t need this. Tell them that they are released and forgiven.”Rachel:I no longer identity myself as the daughter who didn't come through but as the one who is loved and is being transformed. The lies are being replaced with Truth that I am released from the bondage of self-regard and the stifling fear of others. Philippians 2:3-4 " Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is YOURS in CHRIST JESUS!” (Emphasis added.)

"The lies are being replaced with Truth that I am released from the bondage of self-regard and the stifling fear of others."

Brent:We don’t want you to think our lives are perfect now that we know the love and rich grace of Jesus. We simply have new identities as a loved, cherished and favored son and daughter of the living Christ. He is our identity and righteousness. Where once we tried to prove our righteousness and goodness, we now admit our deep sinfulness and cling to Jesus, the One who is our only hope and our righteousness. The Gospel (Big G) is complete rest for our weary souls. We are grateful to the Lord God for His deep work in us and thank God that He has provided this church as family.