Jesus' Church: Jon & Shae Phillips
The Phillips lead the Bluebonnet City Group, Jon is one of our Band Leaders, Shae serves on the Communion Team and they serve together with Big City, and attend the 5pm gathering on Sundays. This is their story. This is what Jesus is doing in his church.
Both Shae and I grew up in church and were saved at a young age. In the eighth grade, we met in the youth group at a church here in the Fort Worth area. We remained close friends all through high school, each of us serving our church in a number of ways. Even though I had a crush on her all that time, we didn’t actually start dating until college. (She said I had to grow a beard before she would date me!) Because she went to school in Abilene and I stayed here in Fort Worth, we endured a long distance relationship.
“I don’t think I ever pointed Shae to worship Christ…”
When we started dating, sin and darkness accompanied us. We turned each other into idols, trying to find our identity, joy, peace, and stability in one another. This created a lot of pain and suffering because we consistently failed each other. I was the man in the relationship, but I was the furthest thing from a spiritual leader you can imagine. I don’t think I ever pointed Shae to worship Christ, to find her identity in Him, or to rest in His grace. Not once did I suggest that we repent of our sin.In the midst of college life and long distance dating, darkness from my past crept back into my life, and I became incredibly burnt out with the idea of Christian community. I left the church and took all of the energy and passion I had previously given to the church and transferred it to the independent music scene in Fort Worth. I thought my identity could be based on my involvement there, so I poured every ounce of my life into trying to create a community of people that shared the same passions and desires that I did. Involvement with that scene included a lot of partying, alcohol abuse, and lying to Shae about how I was spending my time. I wrote music and played in bands that supported the false gods I had created in my heart. This cycle lasted for three years and was incredibly destructive to my life, my relationships, and my faith. In early 2011, wanting some sort of moral fix for my life, I mentioned in a drunken conversation with some close friends at a house party that I wanted to go to church again.
“I thought my identity could be based on my involvement [in the independent music scene]”
I started coming to The Paradox Church in August of 2011. Shae was still in school in Abilene, so I started attending with a few friends or just going by myself and sitting in the back. This continued for about a year before I ever really got involved with a City Group or served in any capacity. I was still heavily partying, living life to please myself, and I didn’t believe I needed to get involved with the church’s community.
“For the first time in our relationship, we were able to celebrate the freedom we have in Christ.”
In September 2012, I proposed to Shae and we began planning a wedding. As we looked ahead to our wedding day, Shae continually asked me to pursue pre-marital counseling. While I was not excited about the idea, I eventually agreed. We did our pre-marital counseling at The Paradox, not knowing at the time how much God would use that process to turn our hearts toward Him. Both of us grew in our understanding of the gospel, repentance, and the forgiveness we have through Jesus. We realized how much we had been worshipping each other and how often we were setting up destructive idols in our hearts. Ryan and Kaylan Keeney showed us how the gospel speaks to these things. For the first time in our relationship, we were able to celebrate the freedom we have in Christ. The partying and alcohol abuse ended, we found freedom from our idolatry, and we stopped worshipping each other, pointing each other towards Jesus instead.
“We realized how much we had been worshipping each other…”
Unfortunately, there was still some sin from my past that I chose to hide from Shae. I lied to her, Pastor Ryan, and other leaders at the church about this. I felt great shame and often told myself, “This sin is too great to be forgiven.” I hid in my guilt and shame, believing the lie that I had to bottle it up and carry it alone.Three months after our wedding, Shae and I went through redemption groups where these sins were finally brought to the light. While reading Redemption by Mike Wilkerson, I realized that I didn’t have to carry my shame. Romans 8:1 says, “There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” I finally understood that, because of Christ, the shame of my sin no longer defined my identity. I learned that Christ’s death and resurrection actually vindicated me and restored my identity as an adopted child of God.
“I finally understood that, because of Christ, the shame of my sin no longer defined my identity”
It amazes me how Jesus has redeemed so many aspects of our lives over these last few years. He gave us a new perspective on what community looks like through our City Group. In fact, at the beginning of 2014, He even called us to lead a new City Group in the TCU area. He redeemed my songwriting and music by giving me the opportunity to lead a band at The Paradox. I’ve also been able to rewrite the lyrics to several of the songs I used to play with my band, giving them a gospel focus.God has done some serious work in our hearts, and we can’t help but rejoice in the hope of His glory. We are incredibly humbled by the way He has continued to grow us and show us grace. We have a true perspective on the story of redemption because He has redeemed our lives, my role in the music scene, our idea of community, and our marriage. Most importantly, we’ve made Christ the object of our worship.
