Modesty or Heart Change?
Perhaps the most selfish thing a woman can do each day is get dressed. Sometimes we spend hours looking at ourselves in the mirror. Why?
The answer to this question reveals a deep sin within our hearts. I shouldn’t speak for every woman, for some may not deal with this issue. However, since I became aware that I was a woman in the 6th grade, I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t struggle with this. So, in the interest of being transparent and avoiding stereotypes, I will say that my heart is still dark with sin in this area. When women in the church today hear the word “modesty,” it is easy for them to become defensive. Why is it on us to bear the weight of the sin of lust and try to “help” men by dressing a certain way? Or, some may swing the other direction, judging those who don’t take modesty seriously, blaming “those women” for causing their husbands’ lust issues to spiral out of control at church on Sunday. Truthfully, neither of these positions can begin to heal the hurt of sexual immorality among us today. The reality is that both of these attitudes only make things worse.These are the facts: We live in a culture that praises outward appearance, sex lives, money, body type, and power. Even within the church, we have begun to believe the lie that we need these things in our lives. If we get them, we feel desired, comfortable, praised, and accepted. Unfortunately, the result of worshipping an idol is that you would never be able to get enough of it to satisfy what you really do desire. What ends up happening is an endless cycle of selfish self-worship that feeds on itself (you), and guess who gets destroyed? Not JUST you, but the people around you as well. Where is Christ in that picture? Therefore, “modesty” is not just about what we wear, women, it’s about our hearts (read: Mine).I have found in my own life that I definitely get caught up in the idea of “having it all.” However, when I ask myself ‘why?’ it is because I want approval and praise. I want to point out here that the praise I desire is not just from men, although that plays a big part in my sin. It is also from other women. Even if there is not a man in the picture, per se, I want approval from not only my friends who are women but strangers too! How insane is that?! I need approval from women that I will never see again! All of the things that go through my head when I get dressed most days are focused on myself. “Do I look good in this?” “Does it make me look thinner?” “Will he think I’m pretty?” “Will she think I’m cool?” “Will they know, now, that I can afford it like they can?” If most women are sinners like me, even IN the church, then they are doing the same thing. Maybe not every one of those questions go through your head. Perhaps you are not asking yourself questions but telling yourself things. “I look horrible.” “Who would want to hang out with me.” “Who would ever want to date/marry me.” “Everything I own is ugly.”
“Do I look good in this?” “Does it make me look thinner?” “Will he think I’m pretty?” “Will she think I’m cool?” “Will they know, now, that I can afford it like they can?”
Lies, lies, and more lies. Perhaps the problem is so simple that we can’t even see it. Ladies, we are simply looking at OURSELVES (literally and figuratively) too much and too often. When I do look up, the Holy Spirit does major surgery every time. It is both painful and healing. If I see without scales on my eyes, I see pride and fear. My sin is not “obsession with clothing,” or “how I look today.” My sin, at it’s bottom, is pride and fear. The pride comes from a place of wanting to be better than others, because I know there are others who are “better” than I am, and I don’t want that. The fear comes from a place of being rejected, and I don’t want that. What do I, as a woman and a daughter of Christ, want?Ultimately, I want what God wants for me. The bible tells me that God wants holiness for me. When I read the pages of Scripture, I read, “I want your good and My glory” on every page. What my good is, in God’s eyes, is an ever-changing heart that desires Christ moment by moment. God’s glory is perfection. Funny, it turns out what I worship and long for in my imperfect self, I already have in a perfect God. Deep down, what I desire is relationships with others that are never sinful, always steadfast, and always for MY good. Ladies, YOU ALREADY HAVE THAT IN CHRIST, QUIT LOOKING FOR IT WITH YOUR STUFF AND YOUR BODY!!! Christ did not give us bodies so that we can spend most of our time worrying about what they look like. Christ gave us a body to serve others. John Piper put it this way:
“…For those who rebel…and make clothes themselves a means of power and prestige and attention getting, God’s answer is…a return to simplicity. Clothes are not meant to make people think about what is under them. Clothes are meant to direct attention to what is not under them: Arms and hands that serve others in the name of Christ, “beautiful” feet that carry the gospel to where it is needed, and the brightness of a face that has beheld the glory of Jesus.”
In closing, I would say that for most women, we may struggle with this for the rest of our lives. However, please realize (and I am speaking to myself here) that the hope we have in Jesus is that “it is finished.” We don’t need to believe the lie that we need to work for approval, from Jesus or from friends, men, and strangers. If we can look up and away from the mirror more often, the Holy Spirit will heal the hurt and sin in our hearts. Not only that, but knowing that my sin doesn’t effect just me, I am confident that it will begin to heal a community within the church. The icing on the cake is that it can help (let me stress HELP, not FIX) our men and brothers. You do not need a list of “what not to wear.” Let us move away from this idea of “modesty.” My heart (read: Our hearts) is the issue. Fear not, Christian women, Christ loves you, he desires what’s best for you, and his holiness in us means stewardship of what he has given: Our bodies. Our bodies do not belong to us but to Him. They belonged to Him before we were created, while we were in the womb, during your checkered past, and now. Use it for his glory while he is using it for your good.Caitlyn O'Loughlin is a partner of The Paradox and member of the South University City Group.