Redemption Group Psalms :: Amanda Bell

Recently we celebrated God’s grace through Jesus at our Redemption Group Celebration. Participants of the most recent round of Redemption Groups often wrote of the things God taught them and did on their behalf through writing a psalm.This is Amanda Bell's.Dear Jesus, my true love.I am in awe with your love for me. How could you love a girl who runs around to everything else for love, security, and acceptance when she has always had those things in you, her one true savior? I have always had you Jesus, at a distance: That when or if I wanted or felt I needed something I would run to you, but that was making the one true God my savior out to be my genie. That your existence was to make my life better on my terms. 

"...your existence was to make my life better on my terms."

 I will admit that when you didn't do things the way I wanted them to be done I would push you away in anger and distrust and take my life into my own hands. I see that now Jesus, and I am so sorry for never fully trusting you with my life. I have seen over and over again that I dont like the life I plan for myself. So I give you my life not parts of it, but all of it. You are not my genie, you are my savior, the leader of my life.You know my heart and my suffering better than anyone. You know how many times my heart has ached because I put my happiness and hope in worldly things, but you never give up on me. I break my own heart daily and let others do the same because I put more value in them than I do you. I ask for forgiveness in that I have loved many other things more than I have loved you, but through all of it you always pull me closer to you. I see now that all the hard times were just me learning how great you truly are, and how much you truly love me the way I am. 

"You know my heart and my suffering better than anyone."

Through my bad days and my good days you have never stopped loving me, and Lord I ask for more hard times so that I can learn to love you fully and trust you mightily. You are my rock, my love, my life. Thank you for always having your arms wrapped around me even when I wasn't recognizing your presence. I yearn to be the women you have planned me to be. I give myself to you fully, finally. I love you, I love you.Read more about Redemption Groups here.You can also apply for our next round of Redemption Groups in 2013 here.