Redemption Groups: Cloaked in His Love
One current Redemption Group participant will be blogging their experience through this round of Redemption Groups. The topic tonight? Shame. I still shudder at the mention of the word. It carries a negative connotation and fosters images of disgrace and judgment. As Pastor Jim spoke, he took us through the Garden of Eden and the shame felt by Adam and Eve. He explained that one bite of an apple allowed sin into the world and that Adam and Eve ran to cover themselves without knowing about clothes. They sought to cover the shame, not their nakedness.He also told the parting of the Red Sea story. In that moment, God showed that His power can lead us out of sin and into His glory. God forced the Israelites to face their enemies before walking with Him.After they choose His way, He allows them to delight in the sight of Egyptians washed up on shore. Pastor Jim asked: “What do you need to see washed up on shore to allow your shame to end?”Shame is not about one wrong act. It’s an aching of the soul and a belief that we are wrong at the core. It’s a tangible feeling of our our own depravity.I wear my shame like a cloak. I run and hide from the pain and continue to allow Satan’s lies to fill me. I feel guilty. I am ashamed of my story, my past and my desires. I have not turned and faced my sin. I constantly run from it, hoping it will go away. I mask myself in the lies of being OK. As I sat listening to others speak at Redemption Group, I realized we were all trying to hide. We all had signs of shame: crossed legs, averted eyes or oversized clothes. We were quite literally hiding ourselves.I never spoke Tuesday night. I internalized everything. I hung onto every word, emotion and tear. Internally, I questioned everything. Why was I ashamed? Hasn’t God wiped me clean, erased my sin and shown me the light of His grace? I am His testament. I am His story unfolding. I opened my Bible to one of my favorite Psalms:
"Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart."Psalm 37:4
My heart desires so much: marriage, family, friends, normalcy.I have not given my heart to Him, though. I have hidden it and turned my back. I refuse to face my sin. I won’t let Him wash it up on shore. If we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will always be faithful to give us the desires of our hearts.At the base of every earthly desire is a hunger for Him. The things of this earth will not fill the God-shaped hole within us. This applies to seemingly good, earthly things like the marriage, family and normalcy I crave. These longings masquerade as the desires of the heart. We might even feel a deep, physical pang at the thought of never getting married, fulfilling our potential or achieving our goals. No human on earth is the other half we crave, nor can one provide the unconditional love we seek. Nothing here on earth will ever hide our sins from Him.I take delight in Him. I accept His love and believe His promises. I put my trust in Him and must walk by faith, not by sight. I must allow His truth to soak into me and cloak myself not in shame, but His love. I must relinquish control and acknowledge Him in all times.