Redemption Groups - Intensive

I try to be really careful of my expectations, which is why I was in uncomfortable territory since Redemption Groups started last weekend.  I didn’t know what to expect; except Jesus and practically I didn’t know how to expect him in a small group counseling type setting.  I also knew that, as a participant, I was expected to be vulnerable. Typically I don’t like being emotional, and I don’t enjoy being vulnerable, so here is how my first week of Redemption Group went:This first week focused on us telling our stories, the who, what, where, and why we are the way we are today.  We began each session with some time of teaching and a few songs of praise before we broke up into groups.  Six girls, circled up, avoiding eye contact, and making uncomfortable jokes sat nervously waiting to see what was going to happen.  And then it began, the leaders told their stories, and then we each had a chance to stumble our way through our own. We were like kids around a campfire, except this time we were grown-ups, warming ourselves around a Kleenex box sharing scary stories. Well, at least it was scary to me.  Transparency is risky. I didn’t know what the others in my group would think about my sin and struggles. Would they trivialize it or catastrophize it?  And worse, I didn’t know what I had been blind to. Was there some horrendous sin I was missing?  Over the years I have spent a lot of time nurturing my confidence and bandaging the past, and there is nothing that threatens the illusion of self-reliance like dwelling on reality.That is exactly what I was asked to do, and before the weekend was said and done, I did.  I told my story. I talked about my feelings of abandonment and my subsequent fears of rejection, my twisted, fanatical view of love, how I came to put my trust in Christ, my hurts, my struggles, my sins, my wicked pride.  And so did everyone else. And in the end we were still there, a group of women circled around a Kleenex box and plenty of used tissue.  The illusion of perfection was the only thing that was more broken at the end of the weekend than at the beginning.  In my vulnerability Christ allowed me to be encouraged, not crushed. I guess that is what surprised me the most -- we all seemed scared to revisit our stories and expose how much we still need Christ.  We all had been fighting, and we were all tired.My week didn’t end when the last session was over, and a day hasn’t gone without me being reminded of my insufficiencies.  But now I know that I am not alone, and I know my failures/achievements don’t define me. It is the forever-consistent blood of Christ that makes me redeemed.Ultimately, the purpose of this blog is to bring glory to the God for the good work He is/will be doing in me and others (Psalm 107).  This blog will do that by broadly sharing my thoughts and feelings about the entire process each week, with no identifying information about others or myself.  The hope is that it will help inform others of what to expect and calm their nerves about actually going through redemption groups themselves.For more information on Redemption Groups go here.