Sermon Response: He Loves Me Despite Me

By Jalea StarnesI do not understand one-way love and I have been fighting the fear that there is something about me that asks to be abandoned.I want there to be something deserving and good in me, something innately attractive and worthy of love. I want to be a good investment.Growing up, my biological dad was not a part of my life. I can’t count how many decisions I made hoping for the invisible approval of my absent father. I wanted to become the kind of woman that made him say "I wish I was there.”I responded to feelings of inadequacy by overcompensating with ferocious competition and determination. In the story of Jesus and Levi (Mark 2:13-17) it is easy for me to see myself as a scribe, fumbling to understand why Jesus would love people so worthy of abandonment like tax collectors and sinners. In reality, I am a sinner in scribe’s clothing. I cloak myself with the illusion of perfection desperately trying to fabricate something deserving, attractive and worthy of love.Thanks to Jesus and glory to God that His love for me is not based on me. One-way love is not a response to my ability to prove that I am a good investment, my ability to do good things or to make good choices. It’s Jesus. Jesus loved me and died for me at my worst and He loved me and died for me at my best.I have nothing to contribute, nothing deserving, attractive or worthy of love and He rejoices over me. He rejoices over me in His one-way love and I dance in it, freely and joyfully, like a child.Jalea Starnes is a leader of The Commons City Group and a partner at The Paradox Church. This was written in response to The Good Kind sermon series. Read more responses to the series here.