Redemption Groups: No Longer Alone

One current Redemption Group participant will be blogging their experience through this round of Redemption Groups. Here is their first post:Exhausted. As I sit here typing, this is the word that plays over and over again in my head.I am emotionally exhausted. A new round of Redemption Groups at The Paradox started with an intensive two-day event this weekend.Friday night was rainy and set an eerie scene for what would play out over the next 24 hours.I walked into the room and looked around for any familiar face. I needed something to comfort me.I was alone, however, and the fears begin to set in. I sat there and waited. As the room filled, I looked to see the faces of the people with whom I would walk this 10-week journey. They looked like me. Men and women – young, old, married, single — all scared, like me.After a short teaching and some singing, we broke up into smaller groups and began what we had all been dreading: telling our stories.We knew it was coming. I had been thinking about it for two weeks.I prayed about how to tell mine and where to begin.I struggled with distinguishing the important from the things that didn’t have a huge impact. I spoke with close friends and asked for advice of those who had been though Redemption Groups before.No matter what advice or words or prayers I sought and heard, I was still lost on how to make my story complete.Then it began. Our leaders told their stories. Eyes darted around the room and uncomfortable laughter erupted at times.Some people looked at the speaker, others looked anywhere but up.I shifted in my seat, crossing and un-crossing my legs, waiting for the end of the stories.Friday night ended and the only thing I had resolved was that I was even more afraid for tomorrow when I would have to sit in the circle of people and hope my words would come.The next day began much like the previous. We listened to some teaching, sang and tension, heavy like a fog, sat in the room.I found myself unable to look up at Pastor Jim as he spoke.Anger built inside me and hostility quelled.I was not just fearful, I was angry that I was being forced to live through all the pain again.We broke up into our small groups again and one by one we spoke. We huddled knee-to-knee in a mix of anger, fear and anxiety.Would my story be worse than the others?Would they balk at the sins of my past?Would they look at me with shame in their eyes?In asking all these questions I realized I just wanted to be accepted.My turn came. I just began at the most logical place – the present. Words poured out of me. My soul was bare, right there in the campfire of fear and pain. With the words came tears and then, laughter, nervous uncontrollable laughter. When I finally stopped I looked around the room.Eyes looked directly at me, not with judgment, but with pain. These people who barely knew me looked at me as though they had experienced all my pain and suffering right alongside me. They looked at me with grace and compassion. Christ had taken over for me and allowed me to be vulnerable with this room of believers.Then suddenly I also felt relief. It was over. There. Done. Over.I was all in.Pandora’s Box was opened. My heart and soul sat for everyone to see. All that bottled up emotion was no longer mine alone to bear. I handed my heart and soul to Him.As our time ended that day, I knew life would never be the same. I ached from the emotional outpouring, but I knew it was only the beginning. This path I embarked on is far from over. The journey has just begun, but now I was no longer alone in my struggle.More information about Redemption Groups from The Paradox