Baptism Stories :: Jessica

Over the next several weeks we will be sharing stories of redemption from the lives of those who have been baptized at The Paradox. Our next baptisms will be on May 5th. If you're interested in being baptized, email Nick England at "nick@theparadoxchurch.com".Years ago I was in a relationship that was both mentally and physically abusive. This kind of thing does a number on your mind and your self-esteem. I believed the lie that I wasn’t good enough and that nobody else would want me. This relationship was everything to me and I needed it. My life depended on it and it was my identity. I did some pretty awful things to myself during that time. One of those included cutting. I was in a dark place and the emotional pain was just too much to deal with, but physical pain I could manage. It was an outward expression of what I was feeling on the inside. I did it often.I got out of that relationship but old habits die hard and I ended up carrying it into my next relationship. When times would get hard the itch to cut again would always rise up and I would give in. I eventually toughened up and decided I wasn’t going to be that weakling anymore. I remember being in the bathroom, tears running down my face, razor blade in hand and just throwing it down, I was mad. I didn’t want to be that girl.One day in late June of last year God got a hold of my heart. I had been listening to Francis Chan’s Crazy Love all day. I was broken, I realized my whole life I had been lying to myself. I didn’t really know Jesus. I came home got on my knees and wept and pleaded with the Lord for what felt like hours. I told him to show me Himself. I was done with this life and He could have it. I didn’t want it anymore and I was ready to live truly for him. In that moment something happened to my heart. I know it sounds cliché but I could finally see. I was filled with the Holy Spirit and I knew from that moment forward life would never be the same again.A few months after I became a Christian I was struggling through a difficult time in my life, and that urge came back. The enemy had found my weakness. I knew I would never actually cut again, but why was this thought even crossing my mind? I wasn’t mad like I had been before. Instead I was filled with shame.A friend lovingly pointed me back to the gospel in Romans 8. That there is no condemnation for those of us in Christ Jesus. That Jesus paid for that shame I was feeling on the cross. That the beauty of the cross is I no longer have to bear it because he did.After this struggle I got Isaiah 43:1 tattooed on my arm, the same arm I use to cut. It is a constant reminder of my new identity, my identity in Christ. I have been redeemed. He chose me, despite knowing me, and the God of the universe looks at me and says “mine”.Jessica is a member of the Monticello City Group.  If you're interested in getting baptized on May 5th email Nick England at "nick@theparadoxchurch.com"Find images our of baptisms from last fall here.Read more stories of redemption like this one here.