Six Stages of Repentance :: Reconciliation (5 of 6)

Like restitution, reconciliation is the walking out of our repentance. We do not pursue reconciliation to repent, reconciliation is an outflow of a repentant heart. Because sin separates and puts hostility between God and people, it drives wedges in human relationships. Godʼs forgiveness of sin makes peace and reconciliation possible; first with Him and then with others (Rom. 5:11; 2 Cor. 5:18-19; Eph. 2:13-18; 4:3; James 3:18). In this post, my focus is reconciling with others.Pastor Eric Mason has defined reconciliation as "the restoration of friendly relationships and of peace, where there had previously been hostility and alienation. Ordinarily, it also includes the removal of the offense that caused the disruption of peace and harmony."Usually we think of reconciliation as returning to how our relationship was before the sin occurred. However, by the power of the gospel, we reconcile to a better relationship. It is not returning to how it was previously but to something more beautiful. This better relationship is marked by the grace of God and not simple affinity or the absence of conflict. Genuine repentance commits to the hard work of rebuilding relationships broken by sin. Reconciliation takes time, especially when trust has been shattered and wounds are deep.We see this in marriages where a man has sinned against his wife by not leading her (a sin of omission). He has abdicated his God-given role causing friction and division. He repents to God and his wife of the heart issue of idolatry. Maybe he was worshipping his wife making her an idol by fearing her over fearing God. Maybe he was worshipping himself and his comfort. He may not be functionally trusting that God has given him all he needs for life and godliness. In the act of turning he now worships Jesus instead of whatever idol had captured his heart. By fearing Jesus and believing the good news, He is empowered now to lead his wife to Jesus. He now fights to love his wife by the power of the Spirit and works to reconcile to a better relationship than before. It’s a better relationship because God's gift of repentance grows us individually; He uses it to sanctify us.What can be difficult in reconciliation between people is that it is two-sided. Often people repent or forgive and think everything is good; often, however, it is not on the other side. Reconciliation deals with the sin or offense that disrupted all involved. Both parties need to confess, repent, forgive, and pursue reconciliation. Many times one pursues and the other does not.  Where does that leave the one who desires reconciliation? They are called to pursue the other as Jesus pursued them. He dealt with the sin and hostility between us by laying down his life. We didn’t wake up to our hostility towards him. He pursued us in our hostility and reconciled us to himself. He bore the wrath of the Father that we might live in peace and harmony with him. We are all called to be reconciled one to another, not just the relationships we deem worthwhile.This is an attempt to help clarify repentance but in no way is it exhaustive. One thing to say for our church and the many that have been sexually or physically abused: Please seek the Holy Spirit, the Scriptures, and godly counsel. Do not entrust your life over to your previous abuser in the pursuit of reconciliation. God's grace is greater than the sin committed against you, but please know there is wisdom in what reconciliation looks like in cases such as these.You can read the previous blogs in this series here: Conviction, Confession, Repentance, and Restitution.Ryan Keeney is the Biblical Living Pastor of The Paradox and leads the Monticello City Group.