Redemption Groups: The Value of the Cross

One current Redemption Group participant will be blogging their experience through this round of Redemption Groups. To say I was nervous to return to Redemption Groups this week would be an understatement. After pretty much losing it last week, I was praying for strength.After last week, I heeded friends’ advice and rested. I reflected on the lessons from past weeks and re-read texts. In these quiet moments I felt renewed and ready to share my heart.This week we focused on the forgiveness of God and Passover. Pastor Ryan opened the lesson with a tough question: What makes it hard for you to receive God’s forgiveness?This question stopped me in my tracks.It’s something that I have contemplated numerous times in the past weeks.What stops me from receiving forgiveness? Why can’t I forgive myself?Pastor Ryan went on to describe four responses to God’s grace:1) the minimizer2) the atoner3) the unforgivable sinner4) the unforgiving victimThere I was, caught between the unforgiving sinner and the unforgiving victim. I was unforgiving of myself and others because I feel like my sin is too big and too great. I was thinking the sin done against me was even bigger.The next words Pastor Ryan spoke also hit me like a ton of bricks. He said all of these responses cheapen Christ’s death on the cross.The word ‘cheapen’ struck me. I’d never thought of it that way. I was harshly judging myself and others. I was devaluing what Christ did for me, and for all, when he endured the pain, suffering and humiliation of dying on that cross.When we moved into group discussions, the room seemed tense. We recapped last week’s events and then one of the group members spoke about what my outburst had done for them. Right then, as I was losing it and breaking last week, they were finding truth. In my inability to forgive and receive grace last week, He allowed someone else to see. This is God’s glory at work.Little by little, we have observed each other’s journey to see ourselves as God sees us: clean. Our journeys are unique and move at different paces. I have accepted that my journey is specifically designed by Him. I have asked Him time and again to let me let go, but tonight I realized that I was asking the wrong question.He doesn't need to let me let go. I am already forgiven and wiped clean. I am not bigger than Him. Every time I asked this question, I was cheapening Christ’s death and saying I require more than He does. It was a twisted reality. He does not condition His forgiveness and does not ask me to let Him let go. He simply says “I am the Lord.”That is enough.